A great article that asks the question “Does your behavior damage trust?”

How might you be contributing to mistrust on your team? Here are 25 behaviors that contribute to creating mistrust within your team:

1.    You fail to keep your promises, agreements and commitments.

2.    You serve yourself first and others only when it is convenient.

3.    You micromanage and resist delegating.

4.    You demonstrate an inconsistency between what you say and how you behave.

5.    You fail to share critical information with your colleagues.

6.    You choose to not tell the truth.

7.    You resort to blaming and scape-goating others rather than own your mistakes.

8.    You judge, and criticize rather than offer constructive feedback.

9.    You betray confidences, gossip and talk about others behind their backs.

10.  You choose to not allow others to contribute or make decisions.

11.  You downplay others' talents, knowledge and skills.

12.  You refuse to support others with their professional development.

13.  You resist creating shared values, expectations and intentions in favor of your own agenda; you refuse to compromise and foster win-lose arguments.

14.  You refuse to be held accountable by your colleagues.

15.  You resist discussing your personal life, allowing your vulnerability, disclosing your weaknesses and admitting your relationship challenges.

16.  You rationalize sarcasm, put-down humor and off-putting remarks as "good for the group".

17.  You fail to admit you need support and don't ask colleagues for help.

18.  You take others' suggestions and critiques as personal attacks.

19.  You fail to speak up in team meetings and avoid contributing constructively.

20.  You refuse to consider the idea of constructive conflict and avoid conflict at all costs.

21.  You consistently hijack team meetings and move them off topic.

22.  You refuse to follow through on decisions agreed upon at team meetings.

23.  You secretly engage in back-door negotiations with other team members to create your own alliances.

24.  You refuse to give others the benefit of the doubt and prefer to judge them without asking them to explain their position or actions.

25.  You refuse to apologize for mistakes, misunderstandings and inappropriate behavior and dig your heels in to defend yourself and protect your reputation.

When you show up in integrity, authentically and allow your vulnerability, others will see you as genuine, warts and all. As such, your teammates will begin to trust you and gravitate towards you as you have created a personal container of safety in which others feel they can relate to you in an equally genuine fashion. Communication and true teamwork is a function of trust, not technique. When trust is high, communication is easy and effortless. Communicating and relating are instantaneous. But, when trust is low, communicating and relating are efforting, exhausting, and time and energy consuming. Finally, no one wants to give 100% to someone they can't trust.

Original URL: http://www.management-issues.com/2008/10/27/blog/does-your-behavior-damage-trust.asp

Via: http://www.thepracticeofleadership.net/2008/11/24/is-your-behaviour-damaging-trust/

I attended a training on Emotional intelligence recently. It was a 2 day session conducted by Dr. Smita Fernandez from Navgati. Emotional intelligence is not an easy subject to understand and i have tried reading the book by Dale Goleman before, but never succeeded. I was very curious how this training will be.

Dr. Smita facilitated the session very well and we (audience) never felt that we are attending training for 2 days. She made it so interesting and i really enjoyed the session.

Some of the key learning’s.
1. Emotions. Difference between emotions and feelings. Importance of emotions at work place and expressing them,
2. Difference between passive, aggressive, passive aggression and Assertive behaviors.
3. I always thought i am assertive but after the training, i felt like there are lot more practice required to be more assertive.
4. Impact of passive aggression
5. Overview of the different skills

a.     broken record

b.    fogging,

c.     negative inquiry,

d.    negative assertion,

e.    free information and

f.      workable compromise

6. Empathy.

7. Strokes - Positive and Negative. Importance of strokes in the work place

8. Goleman's Model:

a.     Knowing your emotions - Self Awareness

b.    Managing your own emotions - Self Regulation

c.     Motivating yourself

d.    Recognizing and understanding other people's emotions – Empathy

e.    Managing relationships, ie., managing the emotions of others - Relationship Management

Reference (Books):
When i say no, i feel guilty
Born To Win: Transactional Analysis With Gestalt Experiments
Reference URL:
http://www.businessballs.com/eq.htm
http://www.12manage.com/methods_goleman_emotional_intelligence.html
http://www.uiowa.edu/~ucs/asertcom.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assertiveness
http://www.counseling.mtu.edu/assertiveness.html
http://www.usq.edu.au/studentservices/counselling/issues/assertive.htm