My company has been acquired by Symphony Services and due to the acquisition me and my group has moved to Symphony. Physical assets have been integrated already and we are in the process of integrating people (Integrating People are not same as moving assets and it takes some time to get integrated).

My learning’s in the last 4 years has been excellent and I had great opportunities working with Proteans.

Some of the highlights in the last 4 years

·        We had built a Metadata driven Business application framework from Scratch. I was part of a High Performance team and had the opportunity to build the team from scratch and work with them.

·        We built a legal LOB application on top of MS CRM and it’s been one of the most successful products now.

·        I was part of building a large team for one of the largest ECM player in Norway. Had an opportunity to build different teams as part of the engagement (R&D, Partner Services, Product Consulting, Automation and Infrastructure Support etc.)

·        Have built Test Automation Frameworks and delivered them successfully. It’s been used effectively in multiple places.

·        Part of building a SaaS based e-Commerce application for one of the largest e-Commerce providers. Had an opportunity to not only work with the product development aspect, but also the Professional services part also.

·        Part of building the back office product in Retail domain for the same e-Commerce provider.

·        Started with a 3 member team and my group is close to 100 in size today. It has been a wonderful journey.

In the last 4 years, I had an opportunity to work with some of the best talent. I wanted to take a moment to thank all the members with whom I am associated in this journey.

·        I want to thank my friend Sendhil for his support throughout the last 4 years. This is the 3^rd company in which we are working together and half of my technology learning’s directly come from Sendhil.

·        My special thanks to Gaurav, Prakash S, Saai, Sanket, Santhosh, Rahul, Sukumar, Sandeep, Senthil, Farhan, Balaji, JK, Arshad, Suresh, Anil, Rishi, Radha, Irayya, Deepak S, Senthilak, SriPrashanna, Mani, Vasanth, Srinivasan G and all others with whom I am associated with. It’s very difficult to mention every single name here.  I have learnt a lot working from you guys.

·        My special thanks to my Friends (Project Manager’s) Razak, Rupali, Kannappan, Saravanan, Palani, Aziz and Venkat. Thank you for all the support and without your support it’s not possible do anything.

·        My association with Anders Olsson and Souvik B has helped me a lot to understand the business aspect of Software Product Development. Thanks to Anders and Souvik.

·         It’s been more than a professional association with Venkat. He is one of my close friend and coach. Thank you Venkat.

·        Special thanks to my friends Anbu & team, Dayanand & team, Yuvaraj & IT team, Gayathri, Rajni, Neetal, Shabana, Arohika, Vishaka, Vishal, Preejith, Sridharan, Ashish Kakani, Jom Jose, Jay Singh, Atul  and all other friends. I have learnt from every one of you and thanks for all your support.

·         I also wanted to thank some of my key clients

o   Michael Knight. Mike was one of the inspirations for me. Whenever there was a need mike was there. I always had this question to him. Don’t you ever get tired? I have seen him working 24/7 and I learnt a lot in the technology aspects working with Mike. Thank you Mike.

o   Jorgen Solberg. I have learnt what it means by attention to detail by working with him. I have learnt what it means to say I care (Even when it’s a team from the vendor side). I really enjoy working with you and Thank you for all your support and I am sure I will learn more in the future as well.

o   Albert Realuyo. I learnt about Product Management and having a product vision from Albert. Thanks Albert for all your support.

·         Very special thanks to my boss, Sudhakar. He is always there to support and he is the inspiration for me. Thanks boss.  

I am still working with most of these guys and it’s been always a great experience working with them.

As you can see, it’s a lot and I am very happy in saying this today. I’ve had the opportunity to work with the best talent in the last 4 years.

I am looking forward for an even better learning opportunity in Symphony.

Norm was at an all-time low. He took the pile of pages (his manuscript and life’s passion) and threw it in the garbage. That was it. Forty-plus rejections from 40 different publishers were quite enough. His hopes had been raised and dashed one too many times.

Norm’s wife, Ruth, came into the room and was horrified to see his book in the garbage. She went to pull it out. He said, “I forbid you to take that out. I’ve had enough.”

Ruth was troubled. She didn’t want to go against her husband’s wishes, but neither did she want to see his life’s work go to the landfill. He had been rejected so many times by so many people that he had finally run out of energy—even though he had always had so much energy.

She decided to follow his wishes—well, sort of. She left the manuscript in the garbage, wrapped it up, and sent it to one more publisher.

The publisher took notice. He’d never before received a manuscript in a garbage container. He read her explanatory note and then the manuscript. He decided to publish. Little did he realize it would become one of the top-sellers of all time.

The author: Norman Vincent Peale.

The book: The Power of Positive Thinking.

Even the most optimistic of personalities is bound to suffer dejection and see his optimistic attitude wane in times of rejection, defeat, and adversity. If it happened to Dr. Norman Vincent Peale, it’s probably going to happen to you and me.

Optimism is the lifeblood of anyone who hopes to succeed in any profession. Those who allow themselves to be seduced into pessimistic thinking patterns and cynical synapses poison their own lifeblood.

Original Book Reference: Selling with Emotional Intelligence

The appraisal cycle got over recently and there will be new members who would have got promoted to lead roles.

Congratulations!!! You have been selected to serve as a leader and you must be looking for this lead role. On the other hand, you may feel honoured by being so named but anxious/ fearful about the assignment.

So what is this leadership role all about?

Leadership is all about how an individual guides, directs, or influences the thoughts, feelings, or behaviour of other human beings. A good leader helps others to arrive at a better understanding of themselves, of others, of the issues at hand, and to use this greater understanding to accomplish whatever common goals brought the members of the group together.

Someone or a set of people has selected you for the lead responsibility because they had confidence in your personal qualifications for leadership. You should not consider this confidence of others as a burden, for they do not expect perfection of you.

When someone is promoted to the lead position for the first time there will be lot of questions about the role, responsibilities and qualities.

What are some of the qualities that you will expect from a leader? See, how can these qualities be used to guide your team?

Accept the fact from the beginning that not everything will run smoothly. You do not have to imagine problems but simply acknowledge to self that conflicts will occur, as they always do when persons of different opinions work together as a team to achieve common goals.

When you are working in a team as peers and suddenly when someone gets promoted due to his qualities there will be definitely resistance among other members. If all members of the team held a single opinion or belief, there wouldn’t be any need for team action.

“Where everyone thinks alike, no one thinks very much.” ~ Walter Lippman

Once you are the lead, do not expect that everyone will accept you automatically. Do not expect that things will come to you. People will start respecting if you show your expertise in whatever subject you deal with. Show you care for people. Show them how to do things. You will be seen as a leader.

As a leader, sometimes you will be able to have a glow of satisfaction, while other times filled with great discouragement. Accept these ups and downs as part of the game. You will make mistakes. Even after many years of leading you will still make mistakes. The day you start expecting perfection will be the beginning of endless frustration and disappointment.

One of the things I have learnt from my boss is that accept the fact that you have made a mistake and now it’s time learn from the mistakes (from yours and others). You will move closer to effective leadership as long as you are able to learn from your/others mistakes.

Reach out to people. Build rapport and relationship with others. Because you have become a lead, do not expect the others to come and reach you. You volunteer.

The leader is a person who, on the whole, best lives up to the standards or values. If the leader fails to embody or depreciates these values, it’s going to introduce confusion and disorganization.

In his book “How to be an Effective Group Leader”, Author Bill D Schul has mentioned the following as the characteristics of a Leader.

1. A solid knowledge of and dedication to the history, goals, values, achievements, and current directions of the organization.

2. An ability to keep issues in focus and matters in perspective; to demonstrate emotional stability in time of stress and conflict.

3. To value the opinions of each member, to judge each on their merits alone and not to be persuaded or intimidated by displays of emotion or aggressiveness.

4. A willingness to give credit to others and to accept the blame for failures without being overly dramatic or obvious.

5. A good sense of humour, the ability to keep meetings lively and interesting will contribute as much as anything to good attendance, morale, and overall achievement.

6. To find enjoyment in the meeting and be able to infect others with enthusiasm.

7. To be responsive to the individual members but to be firm when necessary in order that the members know where they stand.

Effective leadership does not automatically happen. It requires thought, study, and practice. While it may be true that some persons have a certain knack for leading others, chances are that their past experiences have prepared them for leadership.

We sometimes hear people say, “She’s a born musician,” or “He’s a born athlete.” These people apparently have certain natural abilities that allow them to perform effectively and with apparent ease. But what is so often over looked are the long, hard hours of practice, the mental and physical discipline that brought these people to the level of superior performance.

Source: How to Be an Effective Group Leader

One of the common problems today every one of us goes through in our day to day life is work life balance. I have heard this term recently multiple times and I wanted to blog about my opinion on the same.

Work life and personal life are the two sides of the same coin. Traditionally creating and managing a balance between the work-life was considered to be a woman's issue. But increasing work pressures, globalization and technological advancement have made it an issue with both the sexes, all professionals working across all levels and all industries throughout the world. Achieving "work-life balance" is not as simple as it sounds.

Work life and personal life are inter-connected and interdependent. Spending more time in office, dealing with clients and the pressures of job can interfere and affect the personal life, sometimes making it impossible to even complete the household chores. On the other hand, personal life can also be demanding if you have a kid or aging parents, financial problems or even problems in the life of a dear relative. It can lead to absenteeism from work, creating stress and lack of concentration at work.

Okay, Okay, We have heard this n number of times... so what do you want to say?

In my opinion following are the list of items which can help in achieving WLB.

Understand what you want: You are the best judge of what you want. If you want an aggressive career then there will be obviously more work to do. If you are a person who talks about aggressive career only during the time of appraisal then convince yourself about that. If you are not able to decide what you want, no one can help you in this. IMHO, you can’t have the best of both worlds.

Prioritize your tasks: Yes, prioritize your work. In the morning, when you get into office, list the items which are important that needs to be completed before you leave for the day.

Have 2 sets of list. One is Critical and the other one is Non-Critical Items. Critical are the list of items which you need to deliver or which your boss has asked you to deliver.

Non-critical are the items which you need to complete, but it is not high priority. May be you can delegate to your team members (if possible).

There are cases where you need to move the items between the groups. You need to prioritize this based on the situation.

Make a habit to complete the items in the list. If you have a very long to do list, then it means that you are not following what you have agreed to do. Mark items as completed as you move along and clear the list on a regular basis.

Time Management: Everyone talks about the need for managing time, but it’s the hardest thing to implement. Maintain a list where you could specify the time spent during my day. Capture this for a week or so and analyse. You do not have to share it with your boss. It’s for you. Apart from work, there could be items like Tea break, Cigarette break, Lunch break, Browsing, Chatting, Personal E-mails, Socializing chats, Evening Walk and Reading News Feeds etc. Find out where majority of your time goes.

Once you know where your time is spent, cut those items and see how it can be used effectively at work. As far as I know, we do not work more than 6 focused hours (most of the cases its only less than 4 focused hours of work). If we can effectively spend these hours in the day time then you can definitely complete your work by 6 PM and there is no need to stay after 6.

If you have client calls in the evening/support the client side team, then work out a plan with your manager so that you can start little late. You can use this time in the morning to do your personal work. Adjust your work hours. I have seen the benefits of adjusting the work hours. It really helps.

Exercise/Stay fit: The other thing which we normally miss is exercise. It could be because of laziness or not wanting to do any physical activity. Exercise will keep you fit and make you feel better.

Hobby: Have a hobby/life outside your work. If things are not going well, this will help you focus in things outside work.

In summary, work Life Balance starts with understanding what you want. It requires a person to know how to prioritize work, say NO whenever required and manage his/her time better. It’s all about how you can juggle the elephants.

More work and less personal life create problems. The same way, more of personal life and less work also will not help. It’s not possible to exactly get the balance. IMHO, it’s more about adaptability and how one can adjust to the situation.

Reference:

Juggling Elephants: An Easier Way to Get Your Most Important Things Done--Now!

http://www.naukrihub.com/hr-today/work-life-balance.html

A Sales manager once had a meeting with the successful CEO of the company.  CEO noticed that the younger man seemed concerned and even glum. CEO asked the manager “What is the trouble?  Is there a problem?”

“Well sir, I’m afraid there is” replied the sales manager.  Sales figures for the quarter are down, way down. He looked at the CEO hesitantly, not sure of what will be his response. To his surprise, the CEO seemed very composed and cheerful. “That’s Excellent” declared the boss. “That’s really excellent. I am very pleased”. 

Now the manager is puzzled. He asked “How can it be excellent?” I just told you that the sales figures are way down and you seem to be happy about it. That’s right. I am happy said the CEO.

For one thing I’ve heard this kind of news before and it’s never been more than a temporary problem. As a matter of fact, it usually provides opportunities for changes that pay off big in the long run. But even important, it’s a matter of personal discipline for me to always react cheerfully to bad news, even if I cannot find the silver lining in the cloud right at the moment, I know that a good natured response maximizes my chances of finding it as soon as possible.

I know it’s there and I know it will make me stronger and more successful over time, so what’s not to be happy about?

You must constantly ask yourself these questions:

·         Who am i around?

·         What are they doing to me?

·         What have they got me reading?

·         What have they got me saying?

·         Where do they have me going?

·         What do they have me thinking?

·         And most important, what do they have me becoming?

Then ask yourself the big question: Is that okay?

Source : Working Relationships: Using Emotional Intelligence to Enhance Your Effectiveness with Others

Being able to work effectively with people is one of the most important factors in determining our success on the job.

Certainly, mastering the technical side of the job is important. If you are an airline pilot, you’d better be able to put the plane on the runway—every time—regardless of how well you get along with the rest of the flight crew. You would never recommend a doctor to a friend by saying, “Dr. XYZ is not much of a doctor, but he’s a nice guy. I think you’ll like him.”

But as important as technical mastery may be, it may not be enough to guarantee success.

Nine times out of ten, people who switched/lost their jobs had the technical ability it took to do the job. They could not get along with other people or they had “attitudinal problems,” which, usually show up in the form of disrupted relationships anyway. Inability to work with people may put a lid on someone’s promotion. Some highly skilled people stay where they are in the organization because it is all too apparent that they would make terrible managers.

Companies look for people who demonstrate the ability to do their jobs well. Then they promote them with the hope that they can manage other people who are doing similar work. Once promoted, what often separates the successful from the not-so-successful managers is their mastery of interpersonal skills.

Success in leadership positions requires the ability to work with and through other people. If you are already in management/leadership role, you know how important it is to be able to work with a wide variety of people. You may not yet be in a leadership position but see that as the next step in developing your career. If so, you will certainly want to continue demonstrating that you can do your job well. But you will also need to show that you can work well with other people.

Job Satisfaction

Our capacity to get along with other person is important for yet another reason—job satisfaction. We devote a huge proportion of our adult life to work. The quality of our life at work is a critical factor in determining the quality of our entire life. If you work forty hours a week, you are likely to devote at least eighty to ninety thousand hours of your adult life to work!  Your work had better be gratifying if you expect to have a full and satisfying life.

One of the most important factors in determining how people like their jobs is the quality of the relationships they find there. No matter how much we might like a particular task the job requires of us, it is hard to stay excited about a job if we get along terribly with our boss or our co-workers.

On the other hand, working with great people will make even a routine job more enjoyable. We spend a great deal of time with people on the job. On workdays, most of us spend more of our waking hours with our co-workers than we do with our families. We may also work with some of the same people for years, day in and day out. So the quality of these relationships is vitally important to us.

It’s Never Been Easy

Working together isn’t easy. The truth is, almost everyone has times when dealing with people is one of the most aggravating things about working. We may have a co-worker who is difficult to get along with.

We may have a boss who is hard to get to know and almost impossible to please. Or we may have occasional problems working with customers. Working with people can be frustrating. It can get so bad that interpersonal problems may be the one thing that keeps us from finding satisfaction in the job we have at the time. We may like the work itself and the customers we serve, and we may even enjoy working with most of our co-workers. But one difficult relationship at work can ruin your whole day -day after day.

Making Things Happen

When people talk about their frustrations, they usually focus on other people as the source of their problems.

·         Managers complain about people who are not performing as expected.

·         Employees complain about managers who are not sharing information or delegating authority.

·         Everyone complains about co-workers, talking about individuals who don’t pull their own weight or people who are hard to get along with.

If you just ask, “Have you talked to this person about this? Have you tried to solve this problem?” More often than not, the answer is “Are you kidding? I can’t talk to him (or her) about that!”

Other possible comment is, I am a Technical Person and dealing with People is not my cup of tea.

Making things work at work begins with your willingness to step forward and make things happen. When things at work are not going as well as you would like them to, the only useful question to ask is, “How am I the source of this? What am I doing—or not doing—that is contributing to things turning out the way they are?”

When things are not going the way you want, it is all too easy to look for someone to blame—your boss, a coworker, “management,” or the ever-popular “politics.”

But the conversation we are having about your life at work is not about the other person. It is about us. There is almost always something we are doing—or not doing—that is playing a part in things turning out the way they are. Sometimes I hate taking my own advice. When something doesn’t go my way, I would prefer to blame some other person as the source of the problem. I must confess that I may even find a certain satisfaction in complaining to friends about what a raw deal I’m getting But if I look carefully, I almost always find something I could have done differently. Or I will find something I should have done but did not do that is contributing to the situation.

It is impossible to get dumped on unless we first properly position ourself. Our circumstances are always about us, not the other guy.

Suppose one do not get enough coaching and feedback from his boss.

·         Have you asked for it?

·         Maybe you have a staff member whose performance is less than satisfactory. Have you been offering this person corrective coaching?

·         Maybe you have a co-worker who is hard to work with. Have you tried to reach out and resolve any issues affecting your relationship?

Perhaps an even more important question to ask in any of these situations at work is, “Am I willing to look at my role in this situation, or do I just want to keep on blaming other people?” 

Looking at our own role is not just a way to blame ourselves and feel bad about how we do things. On the contrary, once we start to look at how we participated in the way things turned out, we will begin to identify things we can do to resolve this situation and avoid similar problems in the future.

Talking to Each Other

Everything we need to make your job start getting better is just a conversation away from movement in the right direction. Everything our company needs to be great is already present in the hearts and minds of the people who work there. But all too often, these ideas go unexpressed and unheard, in part because we sometimes do not know how to talk to each other about work.

It’s silence that kills organizations. Conflict, even poorly handled, may even be preferable. At least we’d be talking to each other, and some good might come out of that.

Working with other people may be challenging, but it does not have to be impossible.

Original Source: Working Relationships: Using Emotional Intelligence to Enhance Your Effectiveness with Others

Life is just life. It will bring what we ask for.

If you plant a peach pit a peach tree will grow. If you plant a thistle seed only a thistle plant will grow. A Peach tree doesn’t grow from a thistle seed. It’s always this way and never changes.

The principle of cause and effect applies equally to everything and everyone. How this applies to human is that our thoughts are the seeds we sow.  The quality of our thoughts determines what grows.

This means that what we think, say and do decides our reality and to a degree, the reality of all others. Our thought or belief is the cause preceding our reality. Our reality is the result or effect of our thought. Cause and Effect is the driving force behind the truth what you believe, you will see.

Believing is seeing. What you believe to be true is true for you and life always brings evidence of your truth.

There is a man who believes he cannot trust anyone. Many of that man’s experiences will reflect this.  Perhaps he lives to a neighbor who steals his newspaper. Perhaps a cashier gives him back incorrect change. A dog bites him when he walks in the street. One of his close friends has not given him the money which he borrowed etc…

All these instances give further proof that he cannot trust anyone. His world is one of suspicion and doubt and his actions confirm his beliefs. He deadbolts the door and pulls the shades tight. He spies on the neighbor and cross-examines the paper carrier.

And all this while denying any responsibility for what is happening in his life. He is convinced that others are doing bad things to him.

He certainly never asked for these miseries. Life has him pegged as one unlucky soul.

Not everyone experiences people as untrustworthy or scary or dangerous. Have you ever wondered why? The answer is simple. Not everyone believes people are untrustworthy or Scary or Dangerous.

Some people believe that human race as whole is generous, kind, compassionate, intelligent, helpful, loving and giving. And that’s exactly their experience of people. It’s not that they are somehow luckier than others. It is how they think that determines the quality of persons they attract in their lives. Believing is seeing.

For the person who believes they can’t trust anyone, large shares of such persons thoughts focus on every single experience that proves their belief. In their mind, they continuously replay negative memories like old movie reruns, effectively keeping them stuck in the same negative past. Their reasoning stems from their core thought or first thought, which is creative thought proceeding all beliefs and emotions. First thought makes real our beliefs.

If the first thought and core feeling of the person is that everyone is untrustworthy, their words further verify their thoughts. They will often say something to the effect of “You just cannot trust anyone”. And finally, the circumstances, they unconsciously draw to themselves, followed by their actions and reactions and their perceptions of the experiences, confirm this belief.

We attract into our life those things we love and fear by simply by being those things. If we are being fearful, the principle of cause and effect will find a way to create something for us to fear, whether real or imaginary. If we “love”, cause and effect will show you every opportunity to show you love. In the example, the individual was “being suspicious”. Cause and Effect has obliged his decision by manifesting many opportunities for him to be suspicious, creating further evidence that further solidifies his belief that people are untrustworthy.

First thought forms beliefs, beliefs form realities, and focus when used consciously helps you create desired results.

Life is just life. It will bring what we ask for.

Happy reading!!!

Original Source: The Truth About You: Things You Don't Know You Know

After a long time I visited Arjan’s World today and found lot of interesting links. I thought of blogmarking the links which I liked.

 

Emergent Design

1.       You Are Only Thinking About the Thing You Are Building Right Now

On the surface, this might seem like a bad thing. Focusing on the piece that you are currently building helps you to focus on the needs of the functionality you are adding and refrain from building “hooks” into a module for functionality that may never be added, or maybe added in a totally different way. Thinking about future modules (or already implemented modules for that matter) can influence the way you design this small piece of the application as well. Focusing on the fact that other modules need to “use” this module is different than thinking that module x needs to use this module. That thought can lead you to build in coupling between the current module and module x.

2.       You Are Forced To Constantly Change the Application

Again, this may seem like a negative, but changing small pieces constantly makes the application easier to change. If I have to constantly change a module here and a module there every time I add new functionality, I am forcing myself to make each module easier to change. It allows me to see where pieces of my design become brittle and hard to change. This refactoring to ease change leads to loosely coupled, highly cohesive systems, which is what we’re are trying to design.

Original URL: http://codebucket.org/archive/2009/11/30/emergent-design.aspx

 

Exploring ASP.NET MVC Application Architecture: Collection of Interesting Resources from the Web

Original URL: http://blog.softwarefun.nl/?p=25

 

.Net 4.0 - Start Reading between the Lines – Learn Silver light and Entity Framework: Good Post summarizing what has been told in PDC

Original URL: http://keithelder.net/blog/archive/2009/11/30/.net-4.0-start-reading-between-the-lines-ndash-learn.aspx

 

Six political animals you might encounter at your client's office: Talks about the types of political personalities that you might encounter and how to handle them. This Blog post explores each type, and talks about three political animals (types 4-6) that the author has encountered in the wild.
Original URL: http://blogs.techrepublic.com.com/project-management/?p=1005

 

People Motivation: Target Intrinsic Desires

Self-determination theory is a general model of intrinsic motivation that differentiates between three main intrinsic needs. These needs are universal, innate, and psychological:

·         Competence: This is the need for a person to experience oneself as capable in coping with the environment;

·         Autonomy: This is the need for someone to actively participate in determining one’s own behavior, with autonomous choice of actions;

·         Relatedness: This is the need to care for and be related to others, and to be involved in the social world.

Original URL: http://www.noop.nl/2009/10/people-motivation-target-intrinsic-desires.html

 

How to Be a Consultant, a freelancer or an independent contractor?

Original URL: http://jacquesmattheij.com/be-consultant

 

Changing the role of Test Managers

Test management is one of those hangovers from traditional waterfall development, which was a best practice then but does not really apply in agile processes. When testing was a mini project itself, it had to be managed separately. When development and testing are integrated this overhead goes away. Testers belong to the team; tests are specifications, so they don’t need separate management from development. The responsibility of test management still exists, but lies with the team.

Original URL: http://gojko.net/2009/10/13/changing-the-role-of-test-managers/

 

I am reading this book again. I thought of posting my notes. It’s a good reference book for self-development.

Buddha on Conflicts

“When conflict arises in your own family, don’t blame others. Instead, look for the cause in your own mind and action and pursue the solution there” – Anguttara Nikaya 3.31

Peace within a team, like peace within a family, is vital to the well-being of both individuals and the group. Blaming someone else does no good at all – in fact, it makes things worse.

·         If you think the problem lies in someone else, then the solution must lie there as well. There is nothing you can do. You are powerless. This is no way to be.

·         Instead, if you own the problem, then you begin to own the solution. You will think of things you can do make things better (no matter what the other person is doing)

When team conflict arises, ask yourself “How have I contributed to this situation?”

You know it takes two to tango. It’s doubtful that you are ever simply an innocent victim (Even if you are an innocent victim, drop the role now. Own the problem and empower yourself to end it). Look for what you can to contribute to a solution. Victims assign blame, winners makes things better. In the end, would you rather be the one who’s morally right or the one who’s fixed the problem?

Buddha on people hurting one another

“He insulted me, he beat me, robbed me”. Think this way and the hatred never ends.

“He insulted me, he beat me, robbed me”. Give this up and in you hatred ends.

Not by hate is hate defeated. Hate is quenched by love. This is eternal law. – Dhammapada – 3

Conflict is the fact of organization life. Following their desires and attachments, people are bound to hurt one another in the course of working together. But conflict’s naturalness doesn’t mean that we should let it continue.

So how should we handle the workplace hurts and conflicts?

We naturally want to respond in kind when others are hostile towards us, but Buddha tells us to resist this inclination. Other people’s hostility often has nothing to do with us – They are just acting out on their own karma. We meet others anger with our own anger, joining in their negative karma. We are simply adding fuel to the fire, endangering everyone including ourselves.

Instead, Buddha counsels us to take the high road – to respond to others hostility with compassion and forgiveness. Wise teacher throughout the ages have echoed Buddha’s wisdom: Jesus, Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jr and so many others in so many other cultures.

The soothing balm of unconditional love and understanding is the only thing that calms hostility in others.

Is this a tall order? Of course, it is.  We are all humans. Buddha knows this. But harboring resentment because someone else hurt is like swallowing poison and hoping the other person will die. And acting vengefully, taking an eye for an eye, only leads us to the kingdom of blind. We must forgive and let go of revenge – Otherwise we become prisoners of our own anger. Quench your hate in the waters of love. It’s a slow business but sweet one.

One question immediately raises in our mind. "How do i remember all this?". Everything comes through practice. Making a conscious effort will defenitely help us in mastering the skills.

Happy Learning!!!

Stories:

ü  They are our interpretations of facts.

ü  Explain what we see and hear.

ü  Help us evaluate the situation.

ü  Tell us what we should do about the situation.

ü  Once told they take on a life of their own.

—  We tell ourselves a story to explain what is going on.

—  Even if we don’t realize it we tell ourselves a story.

—  Any set of facts can be used to make an infinite number of stories. If we take control of our stories they won’t control us.

Why do we tell these stories?

ü  Sometimes they match reality. ƒ

ü  They get us off the hook. Excuse us from responsibility

ü  Keep us from acknowledging our own sellouts

Victim Stories – “it’s not my fault”

• We are innocent sufferers
• We ignore the role we play in contributing to the problem
• We have nothing but the most noble of intentions

Villain Stories – “it’s your fault”

• We attribute negative motives to the other person
• We exaggerate our own innocence
• We overemphasize the other person’s guilt
• We dehumanize the other person by making unfair generalizations
• We justify our own ineffective behavior

Helpless Stories – “there’s nothing else I can do”

• We assume there is no alternative to our predicament
• Explains why we can’t do anything to change our situation
• Attribute fixed and unchangeable traits to the other person      

In Summary, Emotions don’t just happen. You and only you create your emotions. You can act on them or be acted on by them.

See/Hear – Tell a Story – Feel – Act

Act                                         Am I in some form of Silence or Violence?

 Feel                                       What emotions are encouraging me to act?

Tell a Story                          What story is creating these emotions?

See/Hear                             What evidence do I have to support this story?

Retrace your Path

—  Notice your behavior. If you find yourself moving away dialogue, ask yourself what you're really doing.  

—  Am I in some form of silence or violence? 

—  Get in touch with your feelings. Learn to accurately identify the emotions behind your story.

—  What emotions are encouraging me to act this way? 

—  Analyze your stories. Question your conclusions and look for other possible explanations behind your story.

—  What story is creating these emotions? 

—  Get back to the facts. Abandon your absolute certainty by distinguishing between hard facts and your invented story.

—  What evidence do I have to support this story?   

—  Watch for clever stories. Victim, Villain, and Helpless Stories sit at the top of the list. 

Useful Stories

—  To turn victims into actors – ask:

§  What am I pretending not to notice about how I contribute to this problem?

§  Am I minimizing my role while exaggerating the role of others?

—  To turn villains into humans – ask:

§  What would cause a reasonable, rational, decent human being to do what they are doing?

§  Replace judgment with empathy and self-justification with personal accountability.

§  Worry less about other’s intentions and more on the effect their actions have on Us.

—  Dialogue is “the only reliable way of discovering others’ genuine motives”.

To turn the helpless into the able – ask:

—  What do I really want? For me?

o   For others?

o   For the relationship?     

—  What would I do right now if I really wanted these results?

Create emotions that lead to healthy productive action – dialogue.

Mastering Crucial Conversations

—  Master the content. 

o   Recognize what works and what doesn’t, and generate new scripts of your own.

—  Master the skills. 

o   Enact these new scripts in a way that is consistent with the principles.

—  Enhance your motive. 

o   Find ways and techniques to make learning Crucial Conversations skills desirable and easy.

—  Watch for cues. 

o   Look for signs and opportunities to apply your new skills.

—  Practice

It’s very important to learn from our mistakes. Nobody is perfect in this world.  Learning these skills will definitely help in career development.

It takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.

Happy Learning!!!